


Run

by northerndownpourr



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 04:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4207239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/northerndownpourr/pseuds/northerndownpourr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon's parents kick him out and Ryan proceeds to take care of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Run

I slowly packed up my suitcase, my leg bleeding and my arm most likely broken. I could barely move it, the pain running up down and eventually sitting in my elbow. My mom had given me 3 hours to get out. I had put my vinyl in a box, my clothes were getting packed in a suitcase and my computer and school books in a bag. I had texted Ryan, I didn’t know where else to go, he was my best friend and the only person I could turn to. 

Me: Ryan, My mom kicked me out. For real this time. Please please please please, can I come to your place, I have no where else to go. 

Ryan: Of course, I’ll tell my mom you’re spending a few nights to practice music. I’ll pick you up at the usual spot down the street. 

I flicked my blue Motorola Razr flip phone shut and grabbed my guitar and put it in the case. I carried everything down with my iPod in so I didn’t hear their insults and taunts as I wheeled two suitcases, a guitar case, and a box of records taped to the top of one of the suitcases. I had a teal Jansport backpack on my back, and took out one headphone.

“I’m leaving. Don’t you care where I’m going?” I said to them. They were calmly watching the nightly local news. 

“Not really, probably to your boyfriend Ryan’s house.” My Dad laughed. 

“He’s not my boyfriend and I have to go.” I left the house without another word and walked about a quarter of a mile down the block to the gas station where Ryan was waiting. I listened to Carry This Picture by Dashboard Confessional, and let tears stream down my bruised face. My leg had started bleeding again but I let it flow gently onto my black skinny jeans. 

I looked at the wallpaper of Ryan and I on the screen of my phone. I loved him and he loved me. My parent’s were right---he was my boyfriend. At The Wake by The Format came on my iPod. I felt like I was at a wake. A wake for everything I had ever known. Everything I had ever loved, everything I thought was true about family, suddenly wasn’t. Suddenly everything was a lie. The lyric “You know it’s such a drag to live your for a heart attack, to never get a second chance to say goodbye” came on. It was true. I never would get a second chance, to say goodbye or to make things right. 

“Oh Bren, you look terrible.” Ryan got out of the guitar and put the suitcases and everything carefully into the back of his silver dodge neon. I hobbled in the car, with my leg still bleeding and a black eye forming to prove that my dad’s fist smashed into my face with a vengeance I had never seen before in my life.

“Ryan, thank you so much. You don’t understand how much I love you for this. I’ll find an apartment as soon as I can.” I started to cry as I leaned on his shoulder.

“Brendon, you should press assault charges, when I get home I’ll bandage you up.” He gently swept the tears from my face and drove the 10 minutes to his house. Everything was a blur as my glasses clouded up with tears and blood from a cut on my face.

We pulled into Ryan’s driveway. His parents were asleep. He carried everything in for me and set it in his room. 

“I’m going to go get a first aid kit. I’ll be right back, Bren.” He only called me Bren when I was sad or upset. 

“It’s going to sting… but it’ll keep it from getting infected.” He had put on shorts and an old track and field t-shirt. I had changed into a pair of sweatpants that weren’t soaked with blood, and a hoodie from the middle school swim team. 

Ryan took a cotton ball and put hydrogen peroxide on it. He rubbed it in the large gash on leg from when my Dad hit me with a chair. 

“That burns, Ry.” I was crying at both the emotions burning through me, and the acid-like liquid burning in my leg. 

“I know, Bren, but I have to. I love you so much.” He kissed me after it was over and as his lips touched mine, I felt a chill in my bones like no other. 

He proceeded to bandage my face and give me ice for my black eye. The entire time he stroked my hair. 

“It’s nearly three am, Bren. Let’s go to bed.” Ryan patted down on his bed and pulled the covers back.

“In your bed, what about your parents?” I said to him half asleep. 

“They know Brendon, and they don’t care.” I slowly sat down on the soft mattress curling up under the black bedspread and soft sherpa style blanket, and knitted afghan. 

Ryan turned off the light, got in the small twin bed next to me, and grabbed me, holding his arms around my aching tired body, and sang me to sleep with the words of Carry This Picture. He knew I loved that song.

“I love you, Ry.” My voice trailed off as I drifted into sleep.

“I love you so much, Brendon, you are my love forever and always.” He kissed me on the forehead and I was asleep.


	2. French Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly fluff... decided to continue this because of the kudos

I woke up in Ryan’s bed a little confused and in a lot of pain. My face ached and swelled and my leg was starting to bruise around the cut. It was a warm summer day, but I couldn’t wear shorts. The gash on my leg prevented that. 

Ryan wasn’t in his room so I slipped downstairs, and found him making French Toast. Looking at the clock, it was 4:47 am. 

“Ryan, it’s 4:47 am, why the fuck are you making French Toast come back to bed.” The sky was still dark and twinkling out the window.

“I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed, but I guess we can eat on the couch.” He carefully took the french toast out of the skillet, and placed it on brightly colored plates, then put syrup on each one. He placed each plate on the palm of his hand and set them onto the living room table. 

“Come cuddle, Bren.” He popped down on the couch. I followed suit, hobbling a little because I couldn’t really walk with my leg. Sitting down on the couch he started to twirl my hair.

“You know the band’s gonna do great, and you're not gonna have to deal with them. My parents said you could stay here. I love you, I love you so much. Let’s have this french toast wait and go upstairs. His leg started to slide up my thigh, 

He picked me up, holding me like a baby, and started kissing my neck, as he carried me upstairs. His lips were touching mine as he laid me down the bed. By the end of it, I laid next to him, without a shirt, under his blankets.

“I want more, I want all of you Ryan.” I leaned over and start ruffling his hair between my fingers.

“You know I’m not ready, but when I am, you will be the first to know. I love you.” He moved my hand from his hair and kissed it. 

“What do you say we have a Law and Order marathon and eat junk food and make out, would that make you feel better, my precious Bren.” He sat up and put on a t-shirt and shorts.

Suddenly my phone started to ring, it was my Dad. I knew, I knew I shouldn’t answer but I did.

“What the fuck do you want?” I said to him angry, Ryan giving me that sign by your neck telling me to cut it out. 

“I wanted to know if you were having fun at your boyfriend’s house?” He laughed and I heard my mom laugh in the background. 

“FUCK OFF… Cancel my phone, I’ll pay for it myself. I’m changing the number.”

“Fine you piece of shit. I wish you would succeed when you attempted suicide.” He hung up the phone, and I slammed the blue flip phone shut, and started to cry.


	3. First Time

“My demons are begging me to open up my mouth  
I need them mechanically make the words come out  
They fight me, vigorous and angry, watch them pounce  
Ignite me, licking up the flames they bring about”-Halsey// Hold Me Down

I collapsed to the ground, or well Ryan’s beige carpeted floor.

“Bren, Bren. Ignore him. I’ll take you to the phone store today to get your number changed. And the fact that he said he wished you had succeeded in killing yourself is fucking despicable, I want to kill him.” Ryan stood up and grabbed his car keys.

“I can’t do it, Ry. I can’t do it. I can’t deal with them.” I stood up and wiped my face on a t-shirt laying on the floor.

“Brendon...you don’t have to deal with them. You have to deal with me, and my parents, and my family- who all LOVE and ACCEPT you, and us. You have me and I will never leave you, I promise.” He wrapped me in a hug, and started kissing me quickly. He proceeded to dry the tears from my eyes with his shirt. 

We went to the phone store and changed my number. Now except if my parents drove to Ryan’s house they couldn’t contact me. Ryan and I were having our law and order marathon. 

“Ryan, you know you are the best boyfriend anyone could ask for, right?” I said to him as I started to kiss his neck, we were alone in the basement, sitting on an airbed.

“I think that title goes to you, and I’m ready, Bren.” He said to me and started peeling off my shirt, Kissing up down, I peeled off his pants, fumbling with my hands out of nervousness, it was my first too, you know.

Sucking down there, I heard him moaning, and he thrusted his hips, shoving it into my mouth with each thrust before I swallowed. 

“Br...Bre...Brendon...you have to, now oh my god.” He was breathing so heavily, and he was covered in sweat and was sticky, a good pleasant sticky.I had him bent over the couch and he was finally starting to scream when I covered his mouth. I had to bite my lip till it bled to keep from screaming his name. His parents might be home.

“Brendon that was THE SINGLE GREATEST THING, I ever experienced. God damn, you are so good.” He put his clothes back on.I had also put my clothes back on and we had sat back down on the airbed across from the couch. 

“Thank you and same. Wonderful first time. I love you, Ry.” 

“I love you too, Brendon.”


	4. Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some death and violence, but it is not descriptive or major character.

Ryan’s parents came downstairs just as I had fallen asleep. I hadn’t seen them since I had stayed.

“Thank you so much Mr. and Mrs. Ross.” I said sleepily leaning into Ryan. 

“Please call me George.” Ryan’s Dad said.

“It’s no problem at all. From what we can see your parent’s are pretty awful, if you don’t mind me saying.” Mrs. Ross was being so sweet.

“We are just glad to see Ryan finally happy with someone.” George said. 

“Daaaaaaaaddddd….stop embarrassing me in front of Brendon.” Ryan was half asleep and twirling through my hair, which wasn’t really twirl length- just fluffy. 

“It’s fine, Ry. Your parents are legit the nicest parents, I know.” I leaned in and gave him a kiss when I heard a door kicked.

“WHERE THE FUCK IS BRENDON????” It was my Dad’s voice.

“Brendon, Ryan, stay down here and barricade the door. I think he has his gun. And Call 911.” George and Mrs. Ross went upstairs.

I called 911 and then I heard two gunshots and someone scream “GEORGE…” Ryan started to cry as he moved a he heard “Police open the door!”

I opened the door. It was police, armed in bullet proof vests. 

“I am officer Hastings, I am assuming you two are Brendon and Ryan.” She was a pretty lady around 30 with a blonde bob. 

“I need both of you to come upstairs but I’m warning it won’t be a pretty site.” When she wasn’t looking Ryan grabbed my hand after putting on his glasses. We creaked up the wooden stairs when we saw blood dripping through the door. 

When Officer Hastings opened the door I saw what I thought I was going to see. There were two bodies. My Dad’s, with a gun next to him. And George laying a few a feet from the door, one shot to the head- execution style. 

“Dad….Dad….Dad...I’m gonna throw up.” Ryan leaned leaned into a vase and projectile vomited. I just stood there staring at the blood and carnage that stained the Ross’ white rug, and oak flooring. I wondered where Mrs. Ross was. Or was she still Mrs. Ross? 

I looked at my Dad, the stages of death were starting to set in, his face white and pallor, his eyes sunken and I realized as much as I hated him I loved him, and would never get the chance to make things right. But he did this, I thought to myself. He killed my boyfriend’s, and best friend’s dad. He deserved this.

I just kept standing there watching them put the bodies on stretchers and white sheets over their face. The detectives had a uniformed officer buy us coffee, because apparently a frappachino will make up for the fact our dads’/husband were dead. 

“Mrs. Ross, oh my god this is all my fault. What the fuck have I done?” I took a sip on the mocha, excuse me it was a fucking mocha.

“Call me, Caroline and officer Hastings has something to tell you.”

“Brendon, your father shot your mother before coming over here. We took her to the ER but she didn’t make it.” I leaned over and fell on Ryan, who put his arm around me. 

Suddenly the next week was Ryan and I crying, news interviews, three funerals, and house cleaning, and the fact that everything we had loved was dead.

After his Dad’s funeral, the last one, Ryan laid in bed. I sat down next to him and stroked his back.

“You always have me Ry, you always me, my sweet love. And yes I know that sounds cliche.” 

He just cried out the words, “I love you, Bren.”


	5. Marry

Two weeks had passed... But the house was being sold and the Ross' were moving into an apartment. I was coming with them. I was "outted" so to speak when the newspaper listed ry, as my boyfriend. This was something that led to a lot of teasing and several beatdowns against lockers for both of us. How you beat on a kid whose parents were just murdered, well I don't know. But people are cruel.

"Brendon I can't take it anymore." Ryan was boxing up his childhood affects. "How could any one do this? I don't understand?" Ryan started to cry when he saw the Father's Day gift he made for his dad when he was five.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his shaking body and kissed him on the cheek.

"Ry, oh Ry... It's gonna be ok. I promise you. I love you so much you don't even understand. You are literally are all I have and I want to be here for you for the rest of your life." He stopped crying.

"Are you...are you asking me to marry you?"  
He had a smile on his face.

"I don't know but I do know I want you in my life forever so yeah, maybe when we're older, I would love that." I laughed and gave him a kiss, pushing him to the ground.

He returned the kiss biting my lips, and running his hands down my chest. I had my shirt and pants off and he was wearing just a shirt when his mom came in.

"Oh my god!!!! RYAN I DON'T CARE JUST CLOSE THE GODDAMN DOOR!!!" She quickly covered her eyes and turned away. 

Immediately turned off by the sight of his mom, we put our clothes back on and laughed. For the first time in a long time I felt ok.


	6. Overdose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of mentions of drugs, just as a forewarning.

Ryan sat down on the bed and ran his hand through his hair. He looked...off, like maybe he was high or something.

“Ryan are you high?” I asked him, he looked rather attractive. He had a tight black leather jacket, a gray t-shirt, and tight black jeans.

“Yeah, why you want some? Come into the bathroom with me.” Ryan opened the door to the bathroom that was attached to his room and guest room in the new apartment that no one ever used. The life insurance money for both of us got us a nice apartment. I guess I can say us now.

I watched Ryan cut lines of coke with his driver's license. I had never seen him do coke but I was pretty sure he was. He got a sizeable amount of cash out of the bank, a couple grand I think. He snorted the lines, three of them I think, and wiped his nose. I followed him and did the same.

Suddenly I felt great, like absolutely fantastic. 

“Ryan...this this is fucking fantastic, why didn’t you let me in earlier?” Everything was slightly blurry but yet fabulous at the same time, I felt great even though the room was totally spinning around in circles. 

“We should get fake ID’s and go clubbing.” Ryan said to me, his voice had this overly positive inflection.

“Yes, yes we should. What’ya say we get your mom to take us the mall where we can walk to that bar that doesn’t card?” I said back to him, all you had to do was slip the bartender a 20 and he would serve you whatever you want. 

His mom drove us to the mall and then we walked, well stumbled to the bar. The bartender served us whisky shots with sprite. 

“I don’t feel right Bren, like really not right.” Seconds after Ryan said that he fell off the bar stool, unconscious onto the ground. 

Everyone in the bar stopped moving and one guy stood up and said “I’m nurse, did he OD?” 

“I think so, we snorted coke before we came here.” I dialed 911, while the nurse started doing CPR on Ryan. He then moved onto chest compressions. 

“He’s not breathing oh my god oh my god.” I started freaking out, and when the paramedics arrived they put him on oxygen and loaded us in the ambulance. 

“What all has he had?” The female paramedic asked me as I sat in the front seat on the way to the hospital.

“About 4 shots of whisky and a decent amount of coke, we snorted up. He cut it so I don’t know how much.” 

“We’re losing him!!!!” I heard the other paramedic say just as we pulled into the hospital. 

They rushed him back into the hospital but wouldn’t let me go back. This meant that while Ryan could, well die, I would be coming down. He was 18 so they didn’t even call his mom. Several very slow, very dizzy hours went by. 

“Is there a Brendon in here?” A doctor walked out and asked.

“Yeah that’s me.” I stumbled over to the doctor. 

“Ryan is asking for you, we stabilized him and pumped his stomach, he’s gonna be ok but we suggest he enter treatment. He wants you to come back. The nurse in the bar called. He wants you to call him. And I would thank him, he saved Ryan’s life.” 

“Ryan’s not an addict, really. Just a partier.” I said to him as they led me up to his room.


	7. Chapter 7

I think it's best you left me alone  
You know I'm bound to make you cry  
From up here I can see the Carlyle  
I can see the Louvre shining in your eyes  
I never meant to set the world on fire  
Just wanted something you'd remember me by--- Brightside//Nate Ruess  
“Ryan, I am so glad you’re ok. They say a nurse in the bar saved your life.” I started to cry and pulled up the tacky fold up chair from the rack on the wall. 

“I’m so stupid.” He had at least four IVs in and had an oxygen tube in his nose, I had never seen anything so fragile yet so beautiful. His hair was matted and his face was pale, and almost a blue tinted color. 

“Ryan, yes, yes you are. But I love you anyway but neither of us can do this again. Promise me that, promise me.” I stroked his hand where the IV wasn’t and looked him with this feeling I couldn’t describe, fear, anger, shock, and the utmost of all love. 

“I promise, I felt, I felt something. Everything and everyone I had ever love showed up, I heard something, a song, it was you singing it but I can’t place my finger on the words. It was white but yet it was black, I think I saw my dad, it was heaven and it was hell. I don’t know how to describe. I saw him getting shot, vividly, but I had never seen that. I was in the basement, when it happened, with you. Then I saw him smoking a cigarette at about 25, it looked like a picture of him I had seen.” Ryan had started to cry. 

“Ryan, you had a near death experience. You stopped breathing for 47 seconds. I heard the paramedic counting and when that happened I saw everything that had ever happened between us and then I saw you in a casket and I lost it because I can’t bear to lose anyone else.” I had started to cry. Now we were both just sobbing wrecks, when the doctor came in. 

“We’re moving him upstairs, you can come up since it’s already six am but he needs sleep.” The doctor wheeled his bed upstairs and they led me into a cramped elevator. I knew had to call his mom, before my phone died. But I wasn’t leaving his side. 

“Ryan I’m calling Brenna.” I told him as they transferred him into his hospital ROOM bed. 

“I guess we have to...huh?” He sounded so defeated. 

“Hi, Brenna, it’s Brendon. I need you to come to the hospital with a couple sets of my clothes and my phone charger. I’ll explain when you get here. It’s on the dresser in Ry’s room. Yes, Mercy General. I’ll see you soon. Thanks.” I hung up the blue flip phone right before it died.


	8. How to Save a Life

Brenna showed up, and had my phone charger, along with a few t-shirts and sweatpants. She was in yoga pants and a hoodie. 

“What the hell happened?” She was both angry and concerned, this odd tone in her voice.

“I’m not gonna say.” Ryan was being stubborn.

“Ryan, if you don’t say then I will. This isn’t a joke, you can’t escape this one.” I was starting to get mad at him. 

“I overdosed on cocaine and alcohol.” Ryan sat there and just stared blankly, emotionless and with a lack of regret. 

“God Damnit Ryan, you stopped breathing, you coded, you ALMOST DIED. Your mom needs to know that.” I was yelling, and then choked out a small sob.

“Is this true, Ry? Please tell me this isn’t true.” Brenna was crying and I was crying, but Ryan sat there, to my view, feeling nothing- no emotion. 

“It’s true, Mom.” He lost it there, crying shaking and cursing under his breath. 

“Do you need help?” His mom pulled up a chair to the other side of his bed.

“No I’ve only done it a few times. I’m not an addict.” He said to his mom.

“Brendon, do you believe him, or is he an addict?” Brenna had tears streaming down her face. 

“He’s not an addict, Brenna, really.” I was exhausted. 

“I need to sleep in that chair guys. And Ry, you need to rest. But I’m not leaving your side.” 

I sat in the uncomfortable chair, plugged in my phone, and went to sleep. 

When I woke Brenna was gone and Ryan was eating gross hospital lunch. It was about noon. 

“You know how much I love you, right?” I said to him as I pulled the chair back to his bedside. 

“Yes, but tell me again. My mom says if drink or do any drugs again I’m out of the house.” He looked so pitiful laying there with all his IVs. They had taken the oxygen out. 

“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life, I love you more than I knew I could even love someone, you are my world, you saved my life- literally and figuratively, and I never want to live in a world without you, because I love you way too much to live in this world when you aren’t there or don’t love me back. I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. Because you are my moon, and please don’t go down.”

Ryan was crying. “Well I love so much that I would do anything to keep you, I would die for you, you are my sun if I am your moon, because you saved MY life, actually. When everything was black and I wanted to die you came along and made everything light. You’re the light that shines when nothing else will in my life and I want you forever, because if I lose you I lose myself.” He was sobbing by the end and I was sobbing too, I kissed him and sat on the chair stroking his hand.


	9. Apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not that great at sex scenes but I tried...let me know what you think

Ryan was home from the hospital. We were sitting in his bedroom. I guess it was really our bedroom now. That felt so weird to say, that felt entirely foreign but it felt right. The word “our” felt like it shouldn’t belong but it did.

“Ryan, I want to get an apartment with you and start a life. I need a fresh start and so do you.” I just blurted it out. I didn’t expect it to come out, even though I had been thinking it for a while.

“You don’t know how much I would love that Brendon. We can use our life insurance money.” Ryan came over to the bed where I was sitting, and started stroking my leg. 

Over the next week we started apartment hunting until we found one. It had one bedroom, and a big living room and kitchen. We were moved in within three weeks.

“What do you say we christen this apartment?” Ryan was wearing his boxers. 

“I think that sounds perfect.” I walked towards Ryan and slammed him against the floor. 

“Do you like that, does my baby like being pushed around?” My voice was throaty and sexy.

“Yes, Yes I do.” Ryan was shaking. 

“Suck.” I stripped off my pants as Ryan put his mouth around me, and I thrusted myself into his mouth. I came around his lips and he licked what he could.

“Please get inside me, Brendon, please get inside me, I’m begging you.” Ryan’s voice was quivering, and I bent him over the bed that was just put in and went inside him. We were both moaning and then I came in him. 

We laid on the floor exhausted. Good sex does that that to you. 

“Ryan…” 

“yeah..”

“This was the best idea ever. Do you want to go for a second round?”


	10. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem in here is one I wrote for something else, but used it in here.

Ryan was cooking pasta, and I was sitting and writing. So far living in our own apartment was great, we had a lot of sex, and watched a lot of TV. Everything had shaped up well. 

“Ryan, I want you to know how much I care and love you. But I want to read you something. It’s fiction. I want to see if you like it.” He nodded and added the butter to the pasta.  
I can forget you if you if I down enough  
I can forget you if enough smoke outcries from my lips  
but I can’t forget you if you don’t ever go  
I need you to leave me alone

I need my space  
you want to race  
race against me and my time  
I can’t get out of this one

so leave me alone  
and we can part our ways  
and you can go and look out of the top  
of the empire state building like you always wanted to

and i can go live with regret  
and drink away the days so you can be happy  
I can forget you that way.  
But I can’t forget the time we had together

I just want to feel whole  
but until you’re gone I can’t be so  
so keep me in your prayers,  
but I don’t think you pray  
so forget that

just go 

 

“That’s beautiful, Bren. Please tell me it’s not about me. I can’t lose you.” Ryan was getting a little choked up.

“Ry, it’s not about anyone. It’s fiction. I would never leave you. EVER.” I leaned over gave him a kiss, and then went to bed. I remember him joining me about an hour later.

The next morning he wasn’t in the bed, but I smelled food. Everything was still in boxes, and the mattress was on the floor, we hadn't even bought furniture yet because we had to see what was left of the insurance money. I rolled off the mattress and ended up putting on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I had gotten lazy. 

“Ry, are you cooking?” I hollered my voice tinged with sleep and slightly hoarse for some reason. 

“Yeah come in here, I made, well I’m making you, breakfast. Sit down.” 

“You’re so cute, Ry.” I smiled over at him as I sat down on the counter. 

“You realize we don’t have chairs or a table?” I asked Ryan.

“Yeah you can sit on the counter with me. Or we can have breakfast in bed.” Ryan smiled, and and put the bacon on paper plates. There were already eggs on the plate. 

Ryan walked in the bedroom with the two plates. I poured two glasses of water, and followed him into the bedroom. 

Ryan started singing, Buddy Holly by Weezer. I joined in and picked up the plate and sat down next to him. 

“I don’t care what they say about us anyway… I don’t care about that.” Ryan started laughing as he sang the fast part of the song, which I didn’t know. 

“Let’s eat, Ry. Then we can have quiet karaoke hour so we don’t wake anyone up.” We both started to eat, and I leaned into his shoulder.

“I’m never leaving you, you know that? You’re stuck with me, my dear Brendon.”

“I’m glad about that.” I gave him a kiss.


	11. Blackbird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the song Blackbird by the beetles is mentioned a lot- this chapter is also emotional. I putting the song lyrics here \
> 
> Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
> Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
> All your life  
> You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
> 
> Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
> Take these sunken eyes and learn to see  
> All your life  
> You were only waiting for this moment to be free.
> 
> Blackbird fly Blackbird fly  
> Into the light of the dark black night.
> 
> Blackbird fly Blackbird fly  
> Into the light of the dark black night.
> 
> Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
> Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
> All your life  
> You were only waiting for this moment to arise  
> You were only waiting for this moment to arise  
> You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

I realized it would of been George’s birthday today. I looked at the alert set on Ryan’s phone before he had died. It was already noon and Ry, well, he hadn’t gotten out of bed. I leaned down by the frameless mattress and said. “Ryan it’s going to be ok. He wouldn’t want to see you like this. We should do something to celebrate his life.”

“I think I have an idea.” Ryan stood up and started rifling the boxes labeled affects and childhood shit. He pulled out a polaroid picture.

“It’s my Dad as a kid. I want to set it by his headstone. I want to sing. His favorite song was Blackbird by the Beetles.” Ryan wiped a few tears from his eyes. 

I watched Ryan put on a suit, so I followed and put one on. 

“Do you have the picture, Ry?” I asked him. He nodded and we drove in silence to the cemetery. 

We walked up to the simple headstone and Ryan set the picture down and started to sing…”Blackbird singing in the dead of night…” He was sobbing and eventually couldn’t choke out the words, so I finished it out for him. He leaned into my chest, and just sobbed, he just lost in a way I had never seen him lose it- even when his Dad died. 

He sat down by the grave. “Dad, I don’t know where you are or if you are or if you can hear me, but know that I love you. I have always loved you. I miss you so much, everyday. Brendon is here, if you have been seeing what’s happening he has saved me. And you saved him, so you saved me. I really hope you can hear me Dad, because I want you to hear this. You saved the person that is going to be with me for the rest of my life. You saved my future husband, you didn’t die in vain. I will always love you. Happy birthday, Dad.” Ryan could barely choke out the sentences as he got to the end.

“You mean that, Ry? And that was beautiful.” I sat down next to him and rubbed his back.

“Yeah, I mean it. I mean every single word of it.” He leaned into my shoulder.


	12. Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter....enjoy

6 MONTHS LATER

Ryan and I were back at the tour bus. He had opened up a giant bowl of ice cream and was eating it with a spoon out of the container. 

“Are you really not going to put it in a bowl?” I asked him walking into the kitchen to get a drink.

“Nope, no I am not going to put it in a bowl. I want you to sit down with me before Jon and Spencer get back. I have a surprise for you.” Ryan tucked his small legs into his knees. 

“You know I love you right?” Ryan had leaned into my chest.

“Yes. And I love you more than words.” I said back to him.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to marry me when it’s legal. I want to be your husband, I want to have every inch of you forever. Do you want that?” Ryan was crying.

That night we announced it on stage. 

He was the love of my life, weathervanes my one and lonely, my one and only.


End file.
